I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
