Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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