Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He shit in the fireplace
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
