i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
