STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
