i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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