Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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