i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
