Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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