Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
