I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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