Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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