but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
