I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize