The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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