I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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