i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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