I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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