Do you still have your period?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
