with your own penis?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
