How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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