Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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