Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
