i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
