Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
