Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
