Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
