You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Terrible idea I love it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
