So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
