All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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