listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
