WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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