I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
