Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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