we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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