Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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