before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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