If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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