I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
