So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
