Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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