Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
