I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
