Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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