Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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