didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
