so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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