If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
