Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
