evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
