trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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