Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
