C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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