he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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