Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
