Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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