some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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