I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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