Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
