You smell like a Billy Joel song
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
it was like eating out sand paper
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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