when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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