she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
