I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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