Whatcha textin bout Willis?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
