he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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