Someone shit on the floor
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You know, be my cock's hype man.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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