i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
