so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
