Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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