did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
